Neul
by Hikage-Chan
Summary: [Songfic ONESHOT] [Exert]My heart trembled. This was the moment I feared the moment. Who are you going to chose Inuyasha? Me… or her?


**Author's Note:** This fic is based on BoA's song 'Waiting'. It's a love ballad about the pain the girl feels after she loses her love and how she realises her feelings too late. It's a beautiful song sung in Korean.

Uh...the set up of this story is kinda different. After each verse/chorus the story changes the view. So it goes like Kagome's POV to Inuyasha's POV to Kagome's POV and back to Inuyasha's POV.

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** Neul **

**By The Atlantis Princess**

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Inuyasha's feelings were clear from the start. He could never mean anything to me because he was in love with Kikyo. I understood that. So I stood by his side to make sure he would never be alone. He kept me at arms length all the time. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't get hurt.

One day, I woke up and I realised I loved him. No, I was in love with him. And it killed me to see him go to her. It killed me to watch him embracing her. It killed me to know that he was thinking of her. It killed me to know that I was the reincarnation of her. It killed me to know that whenever he looked at me, he would always see her. His only love. Kikyo.

* * *

_How long has it been?_

_A lot of time passed by..._

_Why do I feel so much pain?_

_

* * *

_

He had come back from visiting her. I could tell. His so called 'walk' in the surrounding woods near our camp site had turned into a little Kikyo-Inuyasha get together time. I hated myself for playing the oblivious school girl right there. I pretended that Inuyasha hadn't been gone for that long.

He was calm. I hated that. I hated how he could act like nothing was going on. My heart gave a tight squeeze as he sat down next to me. I wanted to recoil, to jump up and excuse myself, to suddenly announce that I was tired and had to go to sleep. Anything to keep us away from each other.

Inuyasha began talking to Miroku about something. I couldn't hear the words they were saying. I couldn't hear anything but the soft beating of my heart as it thudded in my chest. I couldn't stand it anymore. My world turned black and white so I did the only thing I could do. I stood up feeling the eyes of our travelling group on me.

"What's wrong Kagome?" Inuyasha's voice rang in my ears.

I turned around and began walking towards the woods. "I'm taking a walk," I said, my voice coming out cold and hurt. I hadn't meant for it to come out like that, but it did.

Without another word, I sank into the darkness of the forest.

* * *

_Why are you in so much pain?_

_Has something gone wrong?_

_Why aren't you saying anything?_

_

* * *

_

I watched Kagome's figure disappear into the dark foliage and I felt a pang of guilt. She obviously knew where I had just been.

I hated feeling this guilty. The stupid girl had to go and fall in love with me. We were both at fault for the pain she was feeling. I told myself to not feel anything for her and to devote all my feelings to Kikyo. But before I noticed, she was the only person I could care for. And it killed me to go to Kikyo. I do love her, but I can't be in love with her anymore. I owe Kikyo my life and Kagome knows that. I can't abandon Kikyo right now, not while Naraku will be after her life to prove that he can kill her with Onigumo's heart.

I leaped to my feet, ready to follow Kagome. I needed to make sure that she was OK, that she wasn't crying, otherwise my heart would crack. I needed to know that Kagome wasn't crying and that she wasn't hurt. I wanted her to know I loved her, but I couldn't tell her. That would make the pain of separation even harder to deal with for her. And for me.

"Where are you going Inuyasha?"

Damn that houshi. He had chosen the worst time to stop me.

"Where the hell do you think I'm going? I snapped tempted to shove the monk aside.

"Kagome-sama might not want to speak to you right now," Miroku replied casting a glance at Sango, silently asking her to help him.

Sango moved next to Miroku, blocking Inuyasha. "Kagome-chan is upset…because you went to see Kikyo again."

"I know that!" Every second I spent talking to them was time I could be spending comforting Kagome.

"Then why do you do it? Why do you go see her when you know you're breaking Kagome-chan's heart?" Sango shouted frustrated.

I know what I've done wrong. I know what's wrong that's why I needed to see her. I didn't answer Sango, because I really didn't know the answer. Yes, I owed Kikyo my life, but that wasn't the right excuse to see her. I knew Kagome was upset every time I left, but I still did it because… because… it's something that I don't understand.

I pushed past Sango and Miroku and ran into the woods following Kagome's sent. As I ran, I could smell a change in her scent as salty tears mixed with her scent of strawberries. I felt a sharp jolt of guilt but continued running after her.

I stopped near a clearing where Kagome was standing, her back to me, with her head pressed against the bark of the large tree before her.

"Kagome," I said. I didn't shout it out nor did I whisper it. Kagome looked up but she never turned around.

Why wasn't she saying anything?

* * *

_Right now, I'm in front of you and I need to express my feelings._

_I've waited so long for you._

_It feels ridiculous. I've always felt this way; it always had to be like this for you._

_I love you and I still feel grateful._

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_

I almost turned around when I heard my name. I knew who was there, watching me, but I didn't do anything. I sighed.

"Inuyasha," I replied calmly. "What are you doing here?"

I blinked away whatever tears I had and turned around with a smile. Our eyes connected for a moment, where I saw the pain in his golden orbs… and something else I was scared of. I turned my head, breaking our locked gaze.

"You seemed upset."

Tactless as ever, aren't you Inuyasha?

I tried to smile at Inuyasha to try and convince him that I was all right. But I couldn't bring myself to smile.

"J-just go Inuyasha. I just need some time to think about stuff."

He didn't leave though. And it annoyed me that he was here and wouldn't let me be alone. But then again, wasn't this what I wanted? Inuyasha to care about me?

Feelings can be so complicated.

* * *

_Why aren't you embracing me?_

_Why are you asking me anything?_

_Do you think I'll be fine without you?_

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I stood there. Waiting. Waiting for what exactly? I wanted Kagome to leap from her spot and embrace me and sob in my chest. I wanted her to ask me why I always went to see Kikyo. Then I might actually know why I do it. I might find out why I hurt her.

Kagome…will you forgive me this time?

She wants to be alone; her body language is screaming it out to me. She wants me to not worry about her by pretending to be all right. But I know it isn't all right. We both know it won't be all right.

"I don't want to go," I found myself saying as I took a step towards Kagome. "You can't be alone here." Not right now…

Kagome was shaking. I could smell the tears that prickled her eyes. She wanted to cry so much but not around me. She didn't want me to see how weak she had become.

I grabbed Kagome's shoulders and pulled her into a hug. Her arms hung limp by her side and I wrapped my arms around her tighter. I was afraid. I was afraid that if I let go, she wouldn't be there anymore.

And that was something I wouldn't be able to stand.

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_Right now, I'm in front of you and I need to express my feelings._

_I've waited so long for you._

_It feels ridiculous. I've always felt this way; it always had to be like this for you._

_I love you and I still feel grateful._

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I could feel Inuyasha's warm arms pull me closer to him. It was one of the moments that I cherished the most. These were the moments where it was just Kagome and Inuyasha. No Kikyo and no thoughts of Kikyo. It was just me, Kagome, in his eyes.

I couldn't bring myself to return his embrace. I was too hurt and confused. It was silly how I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I so wanted to burry my head into Inuyasha's chest and cry my heart out.

But I couldn't. Or I wouldn't?

What was I supposed to do? I had to get away. To think. To do anything. To be anywhere. Just not with Inuyasha.

* * *

_I know the last thing_

_I'm able to do for you is to say goodbye._

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Kagome pushed me away. Her head was bowed down, hiding the emotion in her eyes.

She didn't even look at me or say a word to me as she ran off. I didn't do anything. My feet were rooted to the ground as I watched her disappear into the distance.

What could I do? Nothing. I felt so useless. I knew she was hurting… that she was in so much pain. But I was the source of the pain. And I couldn't do anything.

I must have stood there for hours because I could hear Miroku calling for me. He stumbled upon me where I was standing; looking at the direction Kagome had taken off.

"Inuyasha, what happened?" Miroku asked.

What happened exactly? I sighed heavily.

"She must hate me right now," I mumbled.

Miroku chuckled. "About time you realised it!" I shot him a glare and his smile faded. "OK Inuyasha, you realised your mistake. Now you have to fix the problem."

"And how would I do that?"

"How do you feel about Kagome-sama?"

I flushed. There was no way in hell I would tell Miroku how I felt. If I couldn't tell Kagome how I felt, how I could tell Miroku?

"No need to tell me, I can see it in your eyes," Miroku said smiling. He seemed amused by the whole situation. I really wanted to knock the arrogant monk on the head, but he was the only answer to my problems.

"And why do you go to see Kikyo-sama after everything that's happened?"

That was simple. "Because I owe her my life."

"What about Kagome-sama? Don't you care about her?"

"I know! I know she's upset every time I see Kikyo."

"Then why do you do it!"

"B-because Kagome and me… we aren't supposed to be together. It's supposed to be Kikyo and me. Kagome doesn't belong to this time and… sooner or later; she'll have to go home."

I wanted to keep her at arms length so that when she left…I wouldn't be alone and I wouldn't feel pain.

"Do you love Kagome-sama then?"

"Of course I do!" I snapped.

"I think you misunderstood my question. Are you _in_ love with Kagome-sama?"

I gaped and took an awkward step back. Of course I loved Kagome, but could I love her the same way I loved Kikyo?

* * *

_Please forgive me for the fact that I've just realised my love for you._

_I love you and I still feel grateful_

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"Inuyasha you baka!" I whispered as I ran through the woods.

I gave a small shriek as I slipped down a steep cliff side, landing on my bottom. I sat there, resting my back against the cliff wall, hugging my knees.

So this was heartache. This was the pain my friends always told me Inuyasha would bring me if I stayed with him.

I gave a dark chuckle. If we were a normal couple, then I would have dumped him already. But I had responsibilities. I had to gather the Shikon shards and put them back together and defeat Naraku.

Maybe it would be better if I was alone. I could handle my problems if I were alone. And I could defend myself now.

I rested my head against my knees, crying softly. I hated this feeling. I hated feeling like I was losing Inuyasha, like I was sinking into oblivion.

Between my silent sobs, I heard someone approach me. I didn't even look up. I knew who would be there and it made my want to cry more. I felt humiliated yet happy that he was concerned.

I looked up and threw myself into Inuyasha's arms, sobbing into his chest. I heard Inuyasha gasp but he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry Kagome," he mumbled.

"Eh?" I whispered looking up into Inuyasha's eyes.

"I'm sorry you have to feel this way."

My heart trembled. This was the moment I feared the moment. Who are you going to chose Inuyasha? Me… or her?

"You know how I feel about Kikyo. You know I owe her my life and I can't abandon her. You know I have to protect her. But… even after all that you still want me to be near, sacrificing your dreams and your heart. For me. Kagome, I care for you, more than anything in the world, but this… there can't be a 'we' Kagome."

"W-what?"

I didn't want to believe this. My heart was breaking.

"You don't belong to this time. You aren't supposed to exist in this time. This is the only way to protect both of us."

My eyes widened as I understood the hidden meaning in his words. Inuyasha, you care about me more than anything. And you know that once our journey is complete, we have to say goodbye. You think that by breaking my heart now, you'd be saving us from the pain of separation.

Inuyasha… you're letting me go.

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_I love you; I just wanted to tell you that._

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"You don't have to do this Inuyasha," Kagome said.

"I have to."

"I don't want you to let go," Kagome said tightening her grip. "I want to stay with you forever."

"Kagome -"

"Don't. I know what you're doing. You want to protect us both because I will have to go home one day, forever, and the pain of separation is the hardest to deal with. But…" tears were streaking down her face as she looked up at me, "what about the strength of regret? I can't live on knowing what could have been or what might have been.

"Can I ask you a question Inuyasha?" She took my silence as an answer and persevered. "Do you or do you know love me?

I looked down at Kagome and cupper her face in my hands and pressed my lips against hers.

It was the only answer we both needed.

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**Author's Note:** The title 'Neul' means waiting in Korean. I would have called it 'Waiting' but one of my stories is already called that. This is the English translation I got off a music video I downloaded of about my other stories, I'm sorry for not updating in ages! I just finished my exams (failed one and barely passed in others) and it's the holidays now so I should be able to write more chapters now. But not this week, got work experience. 


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